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Related article: 52 Panhead 35 '52 Panhead Chapter 35 The next
morning - Saturday - the day - I half expected Evan to be up early,
unable to sleep, but when I woke up at 7:12am, he was still sacked
out next to me, on his back with the sheet shoved down to his
waist, one hand spread over his chest, his mouth open slightly. I
lay on my side, head propped in my hand, and watched him for a
while, following the slow rise and fall of his ribcage as he
breathed, watching his eyeballs flicker under his eyelids,
wondering if it was too weird to have sex on the anniversary of the
day Luke had been killed. In my mind, thanks to Evan's personal
recollections and stories from people who had known him, Luke had
assumed the status of something close to a saint. A good student,
an outstanding athlete, a fast friend - by all accounts a boy who
would have gone on to great things had he not died on the very day
he was loosed on the world to try his skill at becoming a man.
Across the room, barely visible in the dim corner where Evan's
dresser stood, I could just make out the photo of Evan and Luke and
the bicycle - the one taken by Luke's little sister the summer they
were fifteen, the summer they'd met. It was the only photo of Luke
that Evan had put on public display when we moved into the Farm,
and although it was such a part of things that I rarely looked at
it, I was very aware that it was there. My original attitude about
Luke, that he was no threat to my relationship with Evan, still
held, so I didn't mind that Evan kept a photo of the two of them on
his dresser. Right next to it was the black and white photo Maggie
had taken of Evan and me the first time I'd gone to their house.
The intervening thirteen years was evident in the maturity of
Evan's body in the later
Pthc Preteen photo - taller,
broader of shoulder, the body of a man.For a while, I studied the
sheet where it lay bunched over Evan's hips, trying to decide which
lump was his dick and which were just folds of sheet. I was
thinking about gently poking each one, but when I looked up at his
face to make sure he was still asleep, his gray eyes met mine. His
expression was solemn at first, as we stared at each other, but
after a moment, one side of his mouth curved slightly and he slid a
hand behind my head to pull me down to him. I pushed my face into
the curve of his neck and wrapped an arm around his body as I moved
close. His skin smelled warm and sleepy, chock full of pheromones,
and in about thirty seconds, I had a major boner going. I tried to
keep from pushing it up against him, but every time I inhaled more
Evan-scent, my cock went nuts, banging around between my belly and
his hip. The third time it happened, he chuckled softly, turning
his head to whisper in my ear, "Why don't we do something with
that," as he reached for me. He found plenty to do with it,
stroking me slowly as he slid down the bed, working his
Pthc
Preteen way down my body as he went. My arm was lying against
my side, and he put the tip of his tongue in the soft little crease
where my armpit began, licking and probing. Evan's not much on pit
play, so I was surprised, and at first, I thought it was gonna
tickle like crazy, so I tried to move away, but when he pressed a
little harder, it got really good. It was one of those feelings
that makes your belly squirm, that makes you breathe in little
jerks and hitches, and when Evan realized what it was doing to me,
he moved to my other side, stopping to nibble on each nipple along
the way. By the time he got to my bellybutton, my dick was leaking
steadily, a trembling thread of pre-cum that linked the tip of my
cock to my belly, growing slightly thicker with each up-stroke of
his hand. He knelt between my spread legs, one hand gripping my
thigh, the other aiming my cock at his open mouth, but as he began
to lower his head, he glanced up at me and stopped."What's the
matter?" he asked. I just shrugged, uncomfortable enough with my
thoughts that I really didn't want to tell him, but he gave my leg
a hard squeeze and raised his eyebrows. "What?""I didn't know if it
was cool that... if you'd wanna... you know.""When did I ever not
wanna?""Well... it's the day."He stared at me for a moment, then
blew out a sigh and crawled
Pthc Preteen up to lay
on me, our dicks pressed between us, propped on his elbows so that
we were face to face. "I know this is a weird day, and this year,
maybe it's even weirder for you than it is for me." We looked at
each other for a moment, but I must not have looked very reassured
because he slid partially off me onto one elbow so that he could
talk easier, gliding the fingertips of his other hand lightly up
and down my stomach. "Look, when I first met you, I felt guilty
about getting involved with someone. I mean, I really liked you,
Pthc Preteen but I'd
only ever felt like that for Luke, and... I had to kind of block
him out to make room for you, and that was hard. It felt disloyal,
like I was forgetting about him or something, especially when the
three of us were out at the cemetery that day and talked about him.
I almost..."He stopped talking and looked away from me before
sliding completely off me and rolling onto his back."You almost
what?" I rolled up on one elbow to look at him.He licked his lips
and swallowed before meeting my eyes. "I almost didn't drive up to
your place that night. I almost called you to say... that it just
wasn't gonna work.""Jesus, Evan." I was stunned. "I know, I know. I
wasn't ever gonna tell you that, but..." "Jesus..." I flopped onto
my back and stared at the ceiling, trying to absorb the fact that
Evan had almost bailed on me. It reminded me of Sharon's story
about the guy dumping her with a phone call. Fuck. Fuck. "So what
changed your mind?" My voice was tight, strained.I felt him shrug.
"I'm not really sure. After we left the cemetery, I started driving
back to the condo, but when I got to the turnoff for the freeway, I
turned, and when I came Pthc Preteen to the ramp, I took it.
Remember how I was kinda freaked when I got there?""Yeah. You
couldn't hear Luke do John Wayne."A short breathless silence, then
he rolled his head toward me. "God, you do remember.""Damn right.
You were the most important thing that ever happened to me. I was
fuckin' payin' attention!"He studied my face carefully for a moment
before continuing. "Anyway,
Pthc Preteen I almost told you
then that I was having second thoughts, but...""But what?" He
sighed and reached for my hand. "But when you opened the door and
smiled at me, you looked really happy, and that made me realize
that you were counting on me to be there and that made me realize
that I wanted to be there, with you, so..."We lay there for several
minutes without saying a word. I was thinking back to that night,
to the look on Evan's face when I'd opened the door to his knock. I
barely knew him at that point, a few weeks into our relationship,
so I'd had no idea what day it was to him, only that he was a
little wild-eyed and tense. "Have you felt like that again, since
then?"He came up on one elbow, fast, and grabbed my face in his
hand, pulling me roughly around to face him. "No. And I didn't
seriously feel it then, or I wouldn't have jumped on the freeway."
He fell silent for a moment as his grip on my jaw softened into a
caress that ended with his fingertips tracing along the edge of my
bottom lip. "When my mom told me that Luke was dead, my first
thought was, `I don't wanna live without him'." His hand slid along
my jaw, into my hair. "Now I feel like that about you. Luke is the
past, Jeff. You're my future." He leaned down and kissed me, a big
smack with closed lips that sounded loud in the quiet room and was
intended to lighten the mood. "So, yeah � I
wanna fuck this morning."We'd both gone completely soft during that
revealing little conversation, and I figured I was done for the
morning, might as well go
Pthc Preteen get in the shower,
Pthc Preteen but Evan swung a leg across me and sat up as he
settled down over my groin. He planted his hands on my chest and
with slow, deliberate movements, massaged my dick with the ridge
behind his nuts and the bony points of his butt, sliding forward
and back, rolling his hips. The warm, shifting weight of his droopy
ball sack draped over my cock, hiding it from sight and creating a
gentle friction as he moved. For a while not much happened. It felt
good, but my mind was still back on what Evan had said, on the
thought of getting that phone call from him, of never seeing him
again, of-"Hey." Evan was staring at me, eyebrows raised. "Quit
thinking about it, would ya? It didn't happen. It isn't gonna
happen, so get your mind on your dick, please. I wanna get
laid."Evan didn't often talk like that � I was
usually the crude one
Pthc Preteen � so
it got the smile he was trying for, and I began to concentrate on
the physical things, on Evan's cock, plumped up nice and fat,
nodding up and down as he moved. My hands had been lying idle on
his thighs, but now I firmed up my grip and slid them slowly up his
legs until my thumbs were buried in the warm crease between his
legs and his balls. As he moved forward, I sunk them deeper,
putting pressure where I knew he liked it. Each time I did that,
his eyes would close and he'd drop his head back with a deep nnh.
When he reversed his hip roll, the tip of his cock dragged along my
stomach, leaving behind a slick trail that gleamed in the morning
light from the window.I stuffed a pillow under my head so that I
could watch Evan's erection grow, thinking about how good it was
gonna feel to push my way into him, the initial resistance followed
by the exquisite sensation of his ass gripping me tight. Thinking
about that cleared my mind entirely, and on Evan's next backward
slide, the tip of my cock poked out from under his nuts. It
disappeared again when he slid forward, but the next time it
appeared for good, pulsing upward with enough force to lift Evan's
ball sack off my belly."Whoa," Evan said. "That's what I'm talkin'
`bout."That cracked me up for a second, but Evan kept coming
forward, off my dick so that it sprang up behind him, all slicked
up and ready to go, and the last couple snorts of my chuckle were
lost in his mouth as he kissed me. We had this dance memorized and
as the head of my cock nudged into him, Evan closed his eyes and
began to breathe through his mouth while he settled down onto me.
Warm and familiar, his slick insides tightened momentarily as he
shifted his weight back a little to get a better angle.Guys who say
that every hole feels the same in the dark are full of shit. Maybe
it was because we'd been doing this together for longer than I had
with anyone else, or maybe because I loved him, but Evan felt
different to me than anybody I'd fucked in the past. Or maybe it
was all in my head. Whatever. Evan felt great, but he could be a
little lazy in bed, mostly preferring to be on the bottom, (as well
as being the bottom) so that I had to do most of the work, but this
morning he stayed on top, bouncing around on my dick for a while
until I got serious about it and grabbed him by the hips so that I
could thrust harder. Once he started to blow, I slowed down,
knowing that the contractions of his orgasm would trigger mine, and
sure enough, a few seconds later, I was moaning along with him,
wincing a little each time my cock fired.As his dick deflated, so
did Evan himself, slowly collapsing forward onto me, panting little
hot bursts against my chest until our breathing came back to
normal. Eventually, I slid free of him with the usual little pop.
Evan always followed my exits with a heartfelt sigh, which I had at
first taken as a sigh of relief, but after a few months, realized
was a wistful sigh of regret at my departure.After we showered and
ate breakfast, we still had some time to kill before meeting Raf
and Kenny at the cemetery, so I stretched out on the couch with a
book while Evan sat down at the dining room table to pay bills.
When we'd moved into the Farm, Evan had paid all the deposits and
the first batch of bills because I didn't have a local checking
account yet. After that, we just sort of fell into him handling the
finances with me giving him a check once a month for my share.
After he'd written a couple, he ran out of checks, and when he came
back into the room from getting a new pack, I realized he was
sitting there watching me. I looked at him over the top of my book.
"Yes?""I need to order checks. This is the last pack." He waggled
it between his fingers."Ok..." So order them, I thought to myself,
but Evan was turning the checkbook over and over in his hands,
fidgeting like he always did when he was nervous, and I realized
something more was going on here. I sat up, put my book down and
gave him my full attention."We've never talked much about money,"
he said slowly, "but... um... I was thinking about adding your name
to my account. Make it a joint account. It doesn't mean you have to
close yours or anything," he added quickly. "I just thought that...
well, it's been a year, so...""Oh." I finally got over my surprise
enough to answer him. "That'd be great, but... I don't make near as
much as-"He cut me off with a snort. "I'll be lucky to break even
this year.""You know what I mean. I don't have the kind of money
you do, and I never will."He waved the checkbook back and forth,
erasing my argument. "That's not important."I tossed my book on the
couch, stood up, and took a few steps toward him. "It's fuckin'
important to me. I didn't hook up with you just so I could sponge
off your money!"He stood up facing me, leaning forward to get in my
face. "Calm down and listen! I didn't say I was gonna fund the
thing myself! It'll be a joint account. Don't worry, you're gonna
pay your share. And you didn't even know I had money!" He snapped
his mouth shut, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath through his
nose, pausing to get his temper under control, and when he spoke
again, it was in the quiet, reasonable voice you'd use to try to
talk a dog out of biting you. "We can both put in enough to cover
the bills every month with a cushion for emergencies or upkeep or
whatever we feel like spending it on. And if you like, we can each
keep a personal account to buy stuff that doesn't have anything to
do with the Farm.""Like more goddamn un-identical black socks for
me to match?" I felt like a jerk for getting wound up over nothing
and was trying to joke it off."Yes, actually - some of mine are
getting thin in the toe.""You buy any more fuckin' socks and we're
gonna spend the cushion on somebody to do the laundry around
here."Evan sat back down at the table. "So that's a `yes' on the
joint account?"I sighed. "Yeah, that's a `yes.'" I walked back to
the couch and sank down. "But I mean it about the socks." I glanced
at Evan. He wasn't looking at me, but he was smiling as he wrote
Pthc Preteen out his next check. "Thanks," I added by way of
apology.He turned the smile my way. "Don't thank me yet. A joint
account means that you can spend some of your free time doing the
bills instead of me." He grinned and went back to his work while I
just sat there and looked at him. I didn't often think about Evan's
big pile of money. Because he never spent any of it, it existed
only on paper and didn't seem all that real to me. After my initial
surprise at finding out I had a rich boyfriend, it had simply
become one more thing that I knew about him, like the fact that he
had grey eyes and preferred his bacon crispy. Twenty minutes later,
he
Pthc Preteen stuck stamps on the envelopes and stood up.
"We should get rolling."As we were going out the door, I stuck my
knee in Chewy's face to keep him inside, but Evan said, "He can
go," so I let him through and locked up behind him.I knew where the
cemetery was, so Evan sat there with his hands in his lap for the
first couple miles, then reached one over to tuck it into the
crease of my jeans with the back of his hand snugged up against my
nuts. I glanced at him, but his face was turned away as he watched
the scenery go by. Just as we pulled through the gates onto the
main drive, someone was getting into a car about a quarter mile
ahead. A flash of blond hair and a leg in jeans was all we saw
before the car door closed and they drove away. Evan stared after
them."There's almost never anyone here," he said when he noticed me
watching him.He directed me to about where the other car had been
and told me to park. We were climbing out when Raf's truck pulled
in behind us. Elvis was first out the door, bounding down to run
circles around Chewy, acting like they didn't see each other
practically every day of their lives. Raf hoisted Kenny's chair out
of the back of the truck, one I hadn't seen before, with fat knobby
tires. "For offroading," Kenny explained while he got settled. He
looked tired, with gray circles under his eyes, and I noticed that
Raf pushed him for several feet, getting him started across the
grass before letting Kenny roll himself, something I'd never seen
him do before. We made our way slowly through the headstones. The
atmosphere was pretty somber, and since I didn't know where we were
headed, I lagged along at the rear. Raf threw his arm over Evan's
shoulders as they walked, and was speaking softly to him. I
couldn't hear the words, just the quiet murmur of his voice. Kenny
looked back at me, then waited till I caught up, reaching out to
give my hand a squeeze when I came up next to him. Evan and Rafael
had stopped at a tall, dark gray headstone, and as I got closer, I
could read the inscription. Lucas JohansenBeloved Son and
BrotherEarth Has No SorrowThat Heaven Cannot Heal The dates of his
birth and death were there, too, and lying at the foot of the stone
was a handful of daffodils tied with a blue ribbon. They were
fresh, the yellow petals strong in the sun, and I remembered the
car we'd seen when we first arrived. Evan picked up the bouquet,
turning it this way and that as if looking for a tag to tell him
who'd left them, but there was nothing except the blue ribbon, tied
in a soft bow. He looked at them for another moment, put them to
his nose for a sniff, and then dropped them back into the grass.
Raf and Kenny glanced at each other, but I could tell from their
expressions that they didn't have any idea who'd left them, and I
doubted that they'd seen the other car. Evan sat down with his back
to the side of the stone and his face turned up to the sun. Kenny
stopped a few feet from him, Raf sat down near Kenny, and I sat
across from them, near Evan's feet. The dogs sniffed at each of us,
checking in, before running off through the stones. "Here we are
again..." Evan began before falling silent for a moment. Then, "Do
you think we're obsessed with this? With the accident?" His voice
was soft and he was looking away from us, but we could hear him
clearly in the still of the graveyard.Raf's brow knit in a frown,
but Kenny studied Evan's face before replying with a question of
his own. "Who said that to you? Who had the right to say that to
you?"Evan turned back and glanced at each of us before saying, "My
mom. We were talking a few days ago and she was just sort of...
thinking out loud."The fight went out of Raf's face and Kenny
closed his eyes for a second, then sighed. "I don't know... I don't
feel obsessed with it. I mean, I think about it sometimes. I
probably always will, but I don't think that's obsessive." He put
his hand on Raf's head, ruffling his hair a little. "How about you?
Do you think about it a lot?""You mean like every single time I
look in the mirror?" Evan looked away, but Kenny just watched Raf
calmly. "No, actually. It's just... normal now." He gripped Kenny's
nearest wheel and gave it a little shake. "Like this is normal."
Raf turned to Evan. "Why did she say that?"Evan sighed. "She
wondered what would happen if I was out of town on business or
something. Would I come before or after? Or did it have to be on
the actual date?" He shook his head, clearing away the thoughts.
"It just got me wondering, that's all. I think she thinks we dwell
on it more than we actually do." Evan nudged his toe into my leg.
"You're a fresh set of eyes. Are we obsessed?"Were they? Was it
abnormal to remember an event that had changed your life to the
extent it had changed each of theirs? To remember someone you loved
who had died? How would I feel if Evan died, after just a year
together? How long would I want to remember his smile, the feel of
his hands on me, the taste of him? God..."No," I said, strongly
enough that Raf raised an eyebrow at me. "You're not out here
moaning about how awful it was. It's more like you're visiting an
old friend or something. That's not obsessive, it's... I don't know
what it is, maybe showing respect for the memories, but it's not
obsessive."Raf turned his attention back to Evan. "And since you
settled down with what's his name, here" � he
plucked a dandelion and lobbed it at me � "I
think about it a lot less. We were startin' to wonder if you'd ever
find somebody else." "Me too." Evan nodded slowly, looking up to
meet Raf's eyes for a long minute. What had Kenny said to me months
ago? That Evan and Rafael needed each other and he didn't think
either of them knew how much? Every now and then, I got a glimpse
of that need. We sat there silently for several minutes, thinking
God knows what. In the quiet, I could hear the far away drone of a
tractor and the chirps of the birds in the big oaks along the
drive. The dogs came back and flopped down in the grass, panting
and grinning from their run, and that loosened us up again, gave us
something to talk about. "What the hell is Chewy, anyway?" Raf
asked, as he tousled Chew's ears."Purebred Heinz 57," I quipped,
then shrugged. "Just a mutt. Terrier and poodle, they thought at
the pound where I got him."It was the first really warm day we'd
had and I tugged off my denim shirt just as Kenny pulled his
sweatshirt over his head. We both had on Frank Zappa t-shirts
� mine blue, his white � and
Raf laughed. "You guys call each other this morning?""Yeah, you
didn't get the memo?""I was out cleaning the fuckin' pool. Which
reminds me � it's supposed to be hot tomorrow.
Come on over in the afternoon. We'll barbeque.""Sounds good," Evan
replied as I nodded agreement. "We'll bring the beer."We sat there
for another few minutes, but none of us seemed to have much to say,
and finally Evan stood up. "Let's get outta here." Raf looked up at
him. "You sure?""Yeah. Why � you wanna
stay?""No! Kenny�" He snapped his mouth shut
when Kenny whacked his arm. "Kenny what?" Evan looked back and
forth between them, frowning as the silence lengthened. Rafael
stared at the grass while Kenny looked out over the tombstones, his
eyes narrowed in thought. Finally, Evan took the few steps to Kenny
and squatted down with his knees wide around the front of the
chair, his hands gripping Kenny's upper arms. "What, man?"When
Kenny finally brought his gaze back to Evan and began to speak, his
voice was gentle. "Coming here isn't a comfort to me, Evan. Coming
here fucks with my head. I don't sleep good the night before
and..." He looked down for a moment, his bottom lip caught between
his teeth. "You loved him, so I do it for you. You're my friend and
I'd do just about anything for you, but... I hate coming out
here."Raf sat white-knuckled with knotted jaw muscles as he
listened to Kenny, but Evan's mouth had dropped open in disbelief
and his face twisted with pain as he stared into Kenny's eyes."God!
Why didn't you ever say something?"Raf shoved Evan hard in the
shoulder, knocking him sideways into the grass. "How the fuck could
he say anything?" he yelled. Evan scrambled to his knees, leaning
forward to shout into Raf's face. "Cause we're friends!
Goddamnit!"As quickly as it had come, his anger dissipated and he
slumped down onto his heels and dropped his face into his hands.
The three of us watched him for a moment before Kenny reached out a
hand and laid it on the back of Evan's neck. Evan didn't move for a
long time, long enough for the dogs to get bored and wander off to
chase a flock of birds that had landed near Raf's truck. Evan was
only a few feet from me, just out of reach, and when Raf pushed
him, I'd almost jumped into it, but this wasn't my business. This
went back way before my time, and although I was shaking inside
with emotions I couldn't even put a name to, I stayed where I was
with my eyes glued to Evan's face. When he finally raised his head,
he looked first at me, a long intent look that I couldn't read at
all. Then he turned to Kenny, who was still leaning forward in his
chair with his hand on Evan, and whispered, "I'm sorry." "It's ok,"
Kenny said softly. "It's not like it puts me back in therapy to
come out here." He gave Evan a twisted smile, then pulled him in
until their foreheads met. "It just isn't my favorite thing to do."
Evan closed his eyes for a moment or two, breathing deeply, then
rose to his knees and wrapped his arms around Kenny, practically
pulling him out of his chair. Raf had been scowling at the ground
the whole time, but as he looked up to watch them, a little of the
anger cleared from his face, leaving it mostly sad. After a few
moments, Evan pulled loose from Kenny and turned to Raf. They
stared at each other and just as the tension got thick enough to
cut, the dogs came galloping into our midst and jumped onto Raf.
Evan got to his feet and walked over to Luke's stone. As I watched,
he stared at it for a few seconds, then turned to us with his hands
on his hips. "I need to move. How about some b-ball?"Raf shoved the
dogs aside and stood up, brushing grass off the seat of his jeans.
"I'm in."Kenny did an about-face with his chair and started toward
the truck. "I gotta change chairs. Thirty minutes at the
school?"Evan hauled me to my feet, eyebrows raised. "Feel like a
little basketball?"I shrugged. "Sure." If Evan needed to jump off a
cliff right now, that woulda been ok with me. He was still eyeing
me, so I stuck a smile on my face.We sent Chew with them to stay in
their back yard with Elvis and buzzed back to the Farm, made quick
work of changing our clothes and zipped into the high school
parking lot twenty-seven minutes after we'd pulled out of the
cemetery gates. Evan hadn't said much in the car, but he'd patted
my ass while I was bent over tying my shoes, so I was a little less
upset by what had taken place at Luke's grave. I didn't think
everything was cool between the three of them, but I just didn't
know them well enough to know that for sure. While we did our
various warm-up routines, Evan said, "Since I wanna win this little
shootfest, it'll be me and Kenny against you two knotheads.""Fine."
Raf picked up the ball and bounce-passed it to me, I blasted it
back, and the game was on. I thought we'd have to modify the rules
a little to give Kenny a fighting chance, but they just started
playing, so I quit thinking about it and tried to keep up. Playing
under just one basket meant that he didn't have to roll far to be
effective; plus, he played on a much more regular basis than the
rest of us and had super quick reflexes. At first, we were just
playing basketball, and it felt good to expend some energy and work
off some of the tension of the last couple hours. After getting
clipped in the shins, I learned to stay out of Kenny's way when he
spun his chair, and after Evan scored three times in quick
succession, to keep an eye open for his drives to the hoop. It
wasn't until Raf and I got into sync and started scoring that I
realized Rafael and Evan weren't finished with each other. Not by a
long shot.As Raf dashed behind Kenny, I circled and passed him the
ball just as he was going up for the shot. Without looking behind
him, Evan launched himself into the air, looking to snatch the
ball, I guess, but what he ended up doing was smashing his elbow
into Raf's chest when they collided. They crashed to the blacktop
in a pile, and then slowly picked themselves up, rubbing sore spots
and brushing dirt off the scuffs on their elbows and palms. Raf
eyed Evan for a minute but didn't say anything.Kenny shot
surprisingly well from several feet lower than the rest of us and
soon it was all tied up. I signaled Raf for that same play, but
this time he faked his jump, then leaped after Evan was already in
the air. I guess I should have seen it coming when they hit again,
except this time it was Raf's elbow in Evan's mouth, and the blood
was flying even before they both landed and went at each other.
While Kenny crowded in between, yelling at them to knock it off, I
grabbed Evan from behind, but he jerked out of my grasp, snatched
up my keys and ran to the Jeep. Raf stared after him for a moment
before sprinting to his truck to screech out of the lot after him.
That left me and Kenny there with a basketball, period. No keys, no
vehicle, and no phone or money cause everything was all locked in
the Jeep's glove box. We looked at each other but there wasn't a
damn thing we could do about it, so we walked slowly toward town,
me bouncing the ball and wondering whether or not Raf had caught up
with Evan and killed him before they both came to their senses,
Kenny just rolling silently along, lost in his own thoughts. After
a couple blocks, he cut sharply in front of me and grabbed the ball
out of the air. "Calm down," he said. "They need to... talk."I
snorted. "You sure that's all they're gonna do? Looked to me like
they wanna beat the crap out of each other.""Well, they might do
some of that," Kenny conceded. "But mostly they just need to talk."
He was quiet for half a block before saying, "Raf didn't slip when
he said that. We had a big fight about it this morning. He wanted
me to tell Evan the truth � about how much it
bothers me � but I made him promise to keep his
mouth shut. Lotta good that did." He heaved a sigh. "Well, it's
probably for the best..."We got another half block as I thought
about that, then said, "When I first met you guys, I remember
thinking that you seemed the least affected by it." The instant
that was out of my mouth, I realized how stupid it sounded as he
rolled along next to me. Jesus, Jeff. "Well, except
for�""Except for this," he finished for me with
a loose grin, bouncing his front wheels off the sidewalk a few
times. "But emotionally, yeah, I think I probably am - now, at
least. Raf was all stoic for the first year or so, with all this
pent-up anger inside him, till Evan left for school, anyway. Then
we got together, and he sorta fell apart, and then he finally
started talking about it. That first week he moved back in with
me... I bet we talked more that week than we had in the whole
previous year. His face didn't look near as good as it does now and
he was having a hard time believing that it didn't matter to me."
He paused for a moment before adding slowly, "That worked both
ways. I was pretty worried that he'd get tired of nothing but blow
jobs." That was the first time I'd heard anything about their sex
life, and it seemed to confirm what I'd wondered
� that Kenny couldn't actually screw. Or at
least he couldn't back then, because his next words were, "But as
my back healed more, we figured some stuff out and I quit worrying
about boring him to death in bed."We were just coming into downtown
Patterson when a car pulled up to the curb and Sharon yelled out
the window, "I've been looking all over for you guys. Why the hell
don't you answer your phone?""Cause Evan took off with the Jeep and
it's in the glove box. What's the matter?""Raf and Evan got
arrested!" Kenny and I stared at each other. "Ah, fuck!" I glared
at Kenny. "And you had me convinced that all they'd do was talk!"
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